Blah~

Why I choose to update here is because I felt my rant isn't going to be all relevant to my fandom. But most importantly, I really want to voice my feelings out right now. I'm feeling very hollow. Very very hollow. I'm not sure if it's because I just finished crying or what.

I saw Pi's promo papa pics from his Shanghai trip. He has such sunshine smile. So bright that I love it so much. That's all. I was admiring his smile, his stance, his everything. But not performance. I guess that's probably why I'm feeling hollow. Plus I was really jealous of those who could get near him and take photos and pass letters and cards and such. I wish I could tell him my feelings too. I wish he knows my feelings too. I wish I could meet him and all. I don't know. Actually all I wanted is to get his acknowledge every time we meet. That's all. Isn't it?

Anyway, never mind about the above. I was watching the doubutsuen show and was crying over those animal stories. Then I went to find out about Pi's countdown at Shanghai. Then I ended up feeling hollow even after the slight fangirling I had during the photo seeing. I wonder what's happening to me. I'm worried because I'm feeling lost suddenly. Aria is now at Japan enjoying her JE trip and what am I doing exactly? I wonder if it's because I slept too much that's why I felt very unaccomplished. By the way, having ... (I totally lost my train of thoughts and don't know what I wanted to write about.

So it is already now the second day of 2012. I just hope that I'll stay strong. So a few aims for 2012?

1. To go Japan again! Hopefully this time it's for NEWS again! A wonderful season with beautiful weathers!
2. Improve my house's living standard? Should be my room. *oops* Hopefully able to furnish my house with better appliances such as vacuum cleaner, induction hot plate, microwave oven, washing machine, Smart TV LCD, Blu-ray DVD player, air purifier/humidifier/ionizer...
3. To improve my Japanese speaking skills and overall language skills. To target N2 or N3 this year!
4. Slim down!!!!! Like finally, with a normal job please slim down!
5. Clear my debts by the end of this year!

So the above seems like mission impossible. Oh yes. I just remembered about the previous sentence left hanging. I think it was about me buying the IPTV subscription. So I was desperate finding ways to watch the JCD, I remembered about hearing IPTV from a friend and I went to do a subscription. I didn't know how to go about it and I was so worried as it was near the timing already yet nothing happened. Then I got an email with my user and pass and yes I was on my way to it! I think being able to watch Japanese TV also made me hollow. I switched on some show during the night yesterday and somehow it was noisy for me. And just now I totally did not watch the shows. However, when the show I was interested in was showing, it was really entertaining. So I reckon I'm a person who doesn't really like noise. 

And I wanted to write something about me liking animals, guys liking animals, crying over touching animal stories, what I really want in my guy and all. *laughs* Very superficial kind of topic going to be. But never mind about it.

So there was once I cried so hard because of the episode about the lady who was able to communicate with the animals and the various touching stories. Today I did not cry that hard because even though the stories were also touching, it wasn't as touching as that particular episode. Then Aiba was crying. In fact all guests were crying. So I thought, if it was translated and shown to my Dad, will he be crying as well? Then I went on thinking, I want my guy to cry with me if we are watching such videos. I want him to love animals as much as I do. And not to be afraid of gokiburi. So in the end, he must be very man. *laughs* Yet soft at areas like animals. 

That was all I thought. Really. Oh well I did think very very little of AB as well. Just a little bit. Because this coming Saturday night we are going to have steamboat gathering. Like finally. But I didn't really know what kind of feelings to bring. I'm already so firm that it's going to be a guy and guy, girl and girl thing. And you bet I'm so going to stick to Esther. But who knows I may want to just stick a little to TW as well. What I'm going to have that day will determine what I'm going to dress up like that night. I hope it's nothing so I'll dress  until so normal and auntie like. But on the other hand, I hope I really had something on so I can dress up just a little bit. How to slim down within 5 days? Have to wash laundry later when I wake up. 

I really want to put some make up on so hopefully. Who knows we might be going xin wang instead. Who knows only. Who knows we might not even meet suddenly. Whatever. 会いきれないけど会いたくない。This is getting bad. Somehow I am a little used to some words of Japanese and I can't really express myself well other than in Japanese. Such as 「迷ったら」,「見守ってる」 and more. 

Anyway I found a meme and I shall do it in a while. Short one. :)