The time may come soon

For me to foot my bills and daily expenses. Well, I want to be able to support myself 100% when I turn 21 anyway. If it comes sooner, I totally wouldn't mind. Actually speaking of 100%, it wouldn't be 100% anyway, since water and electricity bills are still under my dad's name?

But it was a little disappointing, that working to pay the school fees to study overseas is almost impossible. 25k a year, 100k for a degree, and everything else for expenses and accomodation. Just like what my friend Jieshi said, 150k in a year. Even if you divide that by 3 years, 50k per year. Striking lottery might be easier done than earning that amount by working. SERIOUSLY.

NUS you'll regret for not enrolling me into your Japanese Studies course because you're losing one potential student here who will excel so much and graduate with a first class honours I believe. AS IF. HA HA HA.

Alright, I was just trying to make myself feel better you see? The road ahead will be so hard, and I'm not prepared for it at all. I need to save up for my coffin funds already like what I've told Yan Xuan last week when she said she was saving up for her future. You saw the difference? She's preparing for the best but I'm preparing for the worst. 

Taking up the role isn't an easy task I supposed. To support not only oneself is difficult. In fact I have so many mouths to feed too come to think of that. Because I owe my life to them. Out of responsibility, but also out of my will. Which comes to this topic I had with Yan Xuan this afternoon too, regarding feeding the mouths you have to.

Alright, because I'm selfish enough to not want to take up this responsibility yet, I shall push this to when I've turned 25. (Because, I'm really not prepared to commit that much too.) When priorities take up your life, you have no choice but to follow them and fulfill them. I know I have these priorities, but I don't want to let them take over my life yet.

But frankly, what if I don't even live till 25? Shouldn't I be contributing something back to the society before it's too late?

I am really feeling that heavy burden on myself. I need to think hard for my future isn't it? Just how much is enough for one's life? And for one to live comfortably during old age? The person I met during a job interview said something very true. "I want to give the best, not the best I can give.". Or wait, I think it was "I want to afford the best, not the best I can afford.". Similar words, but totally different meanings to them. She said she wants to give her parents enough money for them to spend freely. Just how much money is that? 

Imagine someone can spend up to probably $1000 a month, then if you have 2 persons to support, that will be $2000 already, and when you're supporting yourself, with that same amount, that is $3000. And I'm talking about SGD here, not USD. Then probably the usual expenses and necessities will cost another $1000, that is $4000. NOW, you can't be working for the present, you have to work for the FUTURE TOO. So if you want to prepare urself for your last 20 years, that will be 240 months. If you need $4000 to live per month, that will be $960, 000. Just round it up to 1Million already. Just how much do you have to earn to ensure you can support everyone in the present, and also save up for that 1Million for the future? 1M is a thousand of thousand, that means I need 1000 months to save up that amount. That is more than 83 years. I would be dead already before I saved up my first million. Seriously. Because if you do my maths, having a monthly $5000 income doesn't give me my million. Unless of course, I don't support anyone, and $3000 per month can bring me closer to my million. About 28 years, I'll get my first million. When I turn around 50 years old? How pathetic. 

EDIT: Then I'm thinking now. When you're 50, you prepared yourself up till when you turn 70, and what shall happen when you turned 70 and all your savings are used up? OH YES. I JUST REMEMBERED. CPF. GREAT. (I bet when I turned 70, the govt would have already raised the age to withdraw the funds probably to 75.)

Isn't this a vicious cycle? 

Argh, I can't believe I could settle for a $1,500 monthly salary. I should really think a bit further now. And yes, I must think how far I can go with my career. How can I make my money roll. Everything. I believe when I turn 21, I'll put a stop to many things.

By the way, I can't believe I was doing mathematics just now. Like what Mai always say, "How can you do maths/science in this kind of time?!".

You know what, I need to predict what will stay in fashion for the next 50 years. In fact, I should think of what is not yet in the fashion, but once released, will become the fashion and stay in fashion for the next 50 years, or more. And when I have extra funds, I can always do what I've always wanted to do.

Anyway, my first task is to clean up my room. Then I can think more. About how much I have to earn per month and all to reach my first million and all. Yeah. I should have that little amount of faith in myself. Didn't I say before I'm the material for those millionaire-to-be? *laughs*

金持ちの人になる事にしています。

金持ちの人になるらしいです。（笑）

On A Happier note

"You're a good friend."

I think it is a rare thing that people will say, and a rarer thing that people will receive such comments. I guess I'm really a very fortunate person to be able to hear such comments. You can be a friend with someone for many years but never will you comment such a thing. I think this is really something for me to treasure very much. *smiles*

Isn't this similar to loving someone but never expressing it out? I'm not someone who will openly express my feelings, I'm certain. So I'll not say similar words as of above sad to say. I think it really takes so much of my courage to say those words. Not that I'm not feeling exactly the same, I am, I just can't bring myself to say it somehow. They are embarrassing.

I'm not sure if I fully deserve this comment because I know very well how I've been behaving as a friend to everyone. I am always late, and I don't think before I speak or action. I often cause troubles and am always in need of everyone's help. I can be a nuisance at times and I throw tandrums too. 

So I wonder, have I played the role of a friend well? What exactly is an ideal friend? Sometimes I may dislike someone too. And that thought made me felt so hideous because that person I dislike may be a precious friend and person to another person. Who am I to judge how that person behanves, I always think. Sometimes there are people whom are considered so dear to their friends and families, and disliking these people makes me hideous.

So how can such a person like me receive such a wonderful comment, I suddenly thought. 

To be frank, I really care about how the rest think of me. I wonder how everyone will think of me now after reading this. Will you evaluate me again?

Having friends now is such a fortunate thing for me. And that makes me more vulnerable as I'll be more afraid of losing anyone. And when I lose, will that be because of my doings? I wonder.

わがままの自分を耐えて、ありがとう。

Beauty

From here. Pretty phone~ Though I'm not aiming at you or something, you look super pretty to me. I hope I can get a Japanese mobile one day!

$$$

I'll probably need more than what I expected to go Japan this year to attend NEWS concert. Because Aggie invited me, I really felt the urge to go Japan this year. So that I can meet her too. And I just found out how much a good voice recorder costs. $200 SGD. Yeah, I have to save for THAT as well if I'm really planning to go Japan for NEWS concert.

Then I still need a super good video camera or at least a good digital camera. To video down the concert and all.

So you see, I need $$$ most importantly.

Yeah.

$_$

I must become like this then I can achieve this dream by this year.

夢を叶うといいのですが。

I think I really hate it when people pressurize or force me to do thing. I know I'm not going into University and I have to find a stable job but that is not what I wanted. I just have to do it because the situations now tell me to do so. 

I felt so encouraged and relieved yesterday when someone told me getting a job is good and earn money for school fees is good because then I can study with my own money which makes it all worth it and nobody can make me study what they want. That was like the first time I received some form of affirmation and encouragement. Thank you.

I don't know. 

Or I didn't know, I needed that kind of encouragement. Probably I'd never received that kind of positive feedback from anyone before, that's why I didn't know I needed it.

Never mind.

Sorry to have made anyone worried for me with my previous post, the one on death. 

My beautiful mood is once disturbed by him again. C.A.L to V.I.N. ARGH.

Just read about some supernatural things happening to a late NEWS fan and her friends. Which made me thought a little about myself.

This may sound bad but I thought she was fortunate to have good friends who are willing to visit her grave and even took care of her grave while they visited it. I sort of thought if I were to die now, will there be anyone visiting my grave 5 months after I had died? 

This is a little depressing. I shall stop thinking about this.

Why

Do I have a feeling that my laptop is still virus-infested? Time for research and fixing the laptop. Argh, I always got my laptop infected by virus after 9-12 months of use.

Someone please help me to get rid of my problems.

I have no mood.

Distortion

Watching Skip Beat anime without subtitles during midnight 1am is not recommended. By the way, I'm so looking forward to the release of "Prisoner".

*warning spoilers ahead*

Ren was bathing, and I knew he was going to watch "Tsukigomori" after that. And guess what I said? "Oh ya. After Ren bathed he's going to watch 'Code Blue'." Then I got a shock of what I've said. *laughs*

*End*

Yeah~ Done.

Tears

"Teardrops Raindrops are falling from on my eyes head~" I'm being a little lame I know. But argh, why do dramas have to be so saddening?!

Cliche, yet they shoot it and air it. -_-|| Just why do lives have to be sacrificed? Took 2 tissues worth of tears from me. (That's very much considering they were only teardrops.) Never mind.

Think tonight I'll be a little emotional already, because of the drama. Argh. Sad. Sad. Sad.

And did I mention? Yanxuan watched Proposal Daisakusen already! And she messaged me the following while she was watching.

-walao

-sad

-walao

-WALAO

-SAD

The end. See, ProDai is saddening as well. Dramas~ 

Yet another drama

Yeah. I finished "Yasuko to Kenji". Under the influence of the manga, I watched this drama. Totally different from the manga I should say. (When I''ve only read one chapter of the manga.) Never mind about that. There are 2 Johnny's in the drama anyway. *laughs* Moreover, this drama is super funny! I laughed through the first episode! Yeah, not a bad drama this time round~

By the way, I find Ohkura looking like Tamaki at some angles. And I find the female lead looking so much like Massu. Strange. Never mind. I enjoyed myself.

So, that's all for my life? I watched a drama. The end.

A fruitful day

I think so. Because I've already passed out 8 calendars today. To supposedly 4 people, but only to 3. And I'm left with another 9 calendars which most probably will all be gone by next week. I'm happy because this is more productive than the last time. Though my arms are aching now from carrying 6 calendars just now.

So, I want to complete something by this year. I hope I can achieve whatever I want to do this year, and for subsequent years as well.

頑張ります。だから、神様、助けて、力をくれてください。成功したくて、絶対夢を実現する。

Dramas

You know how each drama always likes to end each episode at the most crucial part so that viewers will continue to watch on? I always guess how each episode will end and get it correct most of the times. I was watching this drama just now, and I guessed a particular person will get injured or trapped somewhere somehow. Then the episode was going to an end without anything happening to that person, I thought I guessed wrong or something. Then *Ping Pong~!* (sound effect), something happened right before the episode ended.

I hated this. But I had to wait for the next episode next week and watch on. Argh. So now I shall move on to another drama.

By the way, Skip Beat is really great. But you should read the manga as well, not just relying on the anime, because it doesn't do justice to the original work. Please support the manga as well!

Kyoko x Ren = Love

202472 - 223:42

Number of files scanned: 202472

Time elasped: 223:42

Number of threats: 0

So I spent almost 4 hours on nothing?! Never mind, I think I found the virus. Argh, now, how to get rid of it.

風邪

風邪をひいたのが大嫌い！

鼻が痛いし、目は開けにくい。

どうして風邪がひいたんですか。

風邪だから、今全然何もしたくない。

辛いとき、今は。（泣）

-_-

NOT AGAIN~

VIRUS.

-_______-||

I HATE YOU GOOGLE CHROME. (Yet I'm using it now.)

ARGH.

Moody songs

感情线 - 183 Club

Well, seems like the song above is really a song to listen to when you're down or emotional. I hate times when I read something which has sad ending. Which by chance, I did today. Argh. I knew it was going to have a bad ending, and just when I reached the ending, the song above was playing on my laptop and I totally cried for that story I read. It wasn't that sad you know? The ending. It was just a typical ending. And please, the author wasn't really that good in conveying sad endings. Argh. She usually have happy endings and she's so much better at conveying happiness. I hate it how she turned the story. And I hate that it is a sad ending. Argh. Made my day so bad now. I really don like it.

But I've already read it. So. Doesn't really matter now. I'm so against incest, but why do stories with incest have to be in that case in the end? Just like "boku wa imouto ni koi wo suru", this story also talks about a twin, who believed they are not twins, but turned out that they are twins after all. Just that they have same father, whereas "boku wa" has the same mother. And that "boku wa" has a more satisfying ending. Argh.

HANABI - Mr.Children

Another song which I listen to when I'm low. Or rather, it was a song which made me low at first. But now it is the other way round. But even when I'm high, I listen to this song too. I'm not really a great fan of Mr Children, but I really love this song now. Probably really under the influence of drama. Because I'm getting to like the theme song of Bloody Monday by Flumpool too~

But never mind about all these now. I've finally got over my moodiness from that sad ending. I told you I hated sad endings. Argh. I will never ever touch something which I know I'll get moody after watching. Therefore I declare, I'm never going to watch 1 litre of tears unless I'm desperate or down or anything.

I finished quite many dramas I think. Because I watched "Food Fight" and "Brother Beat". And oh, "Food Fight" has sad ending too. Argh. Why? Michiru died in a restaurant, with half finished ramen or something. Argh. I hate this. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Why do I have to remember this ending. So saddening! -_-||

So enough of all these. I need some mood lifters. I should go find some scanlations or some video to watch.

Target Captured

Audio Technica ATH-ES55

Yeah~ I'm targeting at this set of headphones, and namely the white one. So pretty~!! I went to causeway point to try on different earphones and I really love this headphone~! $155. I have to save money~ But I love it~! I want it~! Hahaha. Wait for me!! By the way, in Japan it costs $180 at least. SO I SHALL BUY IN SINGAPORE.

And also, I went out the whole day, badminton in school, bugis to collect my JLPT certificate and even saw FS classmate clarissa. Hehe. Didn't expect all these though. Tired and I will be sleeping soon. Just want to update on this beauty above~ ^^

So that's all I guess~ My neighbour is playing A-Mei yet again. -_-|| I'm tired of it.

Last thing. I watched Bloody Monday. Not bad, but ending not very good. Nevermind. Title from Bloody Monday by the way. And now watching other dramas, Voice which stars Eita and Ikuta Toma (JE!) and Rescue starring Masuda Takahisa (NEWS!) and Nakamaru Yuichi (KT) and Yamamoto Yuusuke (quite an Ikemen~). Yeah. No more drama. And probably Skip Beat anime. And random D no Arashi episodes. I have no life.