I'm in a hyper mode now

Well, sep is coming, but that's not the reason why.

I watched BB on KHTV yesterday but due to the poor reception I only got some glimpse of the ending, though I saw what happened. Right now I've just finished and wow, I love how aggressive Naoki is. Woo! *laughs* Great Acting Pi!!! :)

I have many thoughts running in my head but I don't know how to pen them down. I've decided, I want to go back to my old self already. Somehow I'm tired of being.. I don't know. I feel that I'm taking things for granted, AGAIN. I thought too highly of myself. I'm just a nobody. I'm not someone indispensable. I'm not sure if I can be that firm when I see everyone tomorrow but, I want to try. I want to bring that distance back again. Somehow shortening the distance between everyone makes me feel uncomfortable now. Because it feels like I'm faking too much.

I don't know what to do now. I feel like a hypocrite. I know I meant it when I say "thanks", but when I use it so frequently, it doesn't mean anything anymore. To the state where I doubt myself whenever the word comes out from my mouth. Every time I say "thanks", I question myself right after, if I really meant it.

I'm really being doted by them too much. I have to know my limits.

But even though I've said so much above, I still miss them and I want to chat with them so much. It's that kind of feeling whereby you feel that someone treats you as a person who is more than just someone unimportant in their lives. I don't know if I made sense in my previous sentence. Probably I'm just feeling lonely now. I just need some attention on myself.

I'm a little amazed at how at one moment I was so hyper about Pi's acting yet the other moment I'm so down.