On A Happier note

"You're a good friend."

I think it is a rare thing that people will say, and a rarer thing that people will receive such comments. I guess I'm really a very fortunate person to be able to hear such comments. You can be a friend with someone for many years but never will you comment such a thing. I think this is really something for me to treasure very much. *smiles*

Isn't this similar to loving someone but never expressing it out? I'm not someone who will openly express my feelings, I'm certain. So I'll not say similar words as of above sad to say. I think it really takes so much of my courage to say those words. Not that I'm not feeling exactly the same, I am, I just can't bring myself to say it somehow. They are embarrassing.

I'm not sure if I fully deserve this comment because I know very well how I've been behaving as a friend to everyone. I am always late, and I don't think before I speak or action. I often cause troubles and am always in need of everyone's help. I can be a nuisance at times and I throw tandrums too. 

So I wonder, have I played the role of a friend well? What exactly is an ideal friend? Sometimes I may dislike someone too. And that thought made me felt so hideous because that person I dislike may be a precious friend and person to another person. Who am I to judge how that person behanves, I always think. Sometimes there are people whom are considered so dear to their friends and families, and disliking these people makes me hideous.

So how can such a person like me receive such a wonderful comment, I suddenly thought. 

To be frank, I really care about how the rest think of me. I wonder how everyone will think of me now after reading this. Will you evaluate me again?

Having friends now is such a fortunate thing for me. And that makes me more vulnerable as I'll be more afraid of losing anyone. And when I lose, will that be because of my doings? I wonder.

わがままの自分を耐えて、ありがとう。